In the novel “The Collected Regrets of Clover” by Mikki Brammer, Clover is a death doula, someone who helps people navigate the end-of-life process with empathy and knowledge. While she’s caring for patients, Clover also learns to take a closer look at her own life. She discovers what she wants before the end, including her own friendships and even romance.

“It’s a light summer read about death and grief,” says Jill, a Centrica Care Navigators grief counselor. Jill is hosting a discussion on the book as part of our ongoing series Exploring Grief Through Books and Movies. Earlier in the series, participants watched “Steel Magnolias” and read “The Art of Racing in the Rain.”

Each film and book in the series is meant to be a starting point, a way to help people begin thinking and talking about death. At grief support gatherings, participants are guided in conversations about grief, and learn techniques to help process their grief — not to try and ignore it, but how to learn to live with it.

“Grief-curious”

While some people who join Centrica Care Navigators grief support groups are open about their experiences, others are hesitant to share. There’s no requirement at any meeting to say anything at all, but viewing the experience of loss through a fictional character’s eyes can be a less intimidating way to start a conversation about a participant’s feelings on loss and grief.

“Maybe you’re ‘grief-curious,’” Jill says. “For people who don’t have a lot of experience with death, the book discussion can be a great way to learn about thoughts and feelings around death and dying.”

Centrica Care Navigators offers several different grief groups, depending on the nature of a person’s loss. Jill and our other grief counselors have facilitated groups intended for parents who have lost a child, adults who have lost a partner, and other audiences. She says for many people, grief is isolating. When their loved one dies, people can feel like they’re alone and that no one understands their experience, which is where the real value of meeting regularly in a group helps.

“The most common thing we hear is, ‘Now I know I’m normal,’” she says. “At meetings we almost always cry — and we always laugh.”

What they talk about

Jill suggests reading the first 75 pages of “The Collected Regrets of Clover” before the first meeting on July 8, though it isn’t a requirement.

Those who can get an early start on the reading can begin discussing the book and issues of grief right away. What will they talk about? Some thoughts and feelings are ones people often have after a death, no matter who died, or who they are.

“People think they’re doing grief wrong,” Jill says. “People tell them they should be over it at some point. Or they feel guilty about being happy. It’s OK to have hard days, and it’s OK to move forward and have good days. Grief is messy like that.”

On the other hand, it’s perfectly acceptable to just listen at any Centrica Care Navigators grief support group. Some people aren’t ready to start talking about their grief, even with a book or movie that can help put some distance between themselves and death.

“Some people come every time and don’t say a lot; they’re still getting something out of it,” Jill says. “The book is a tool to have a discussion that’s one step removed from our personal experience.”

Our partners at This is a Bookstore in Kalamazoo are offering a 20% discount on the novel, if you let them know you’re buying it for the Centrica Care Navigators grief group.

You can learn more by exploring our website or calling Centrica Care Navigators at 269.345.0273.